Here’s a new message, and I’m going to talk to the men this time. Seems I’ve been picking on the ladies too much. (I’m listening to System of a Down as I write this so it may be a little random)

Okay guys here it goes.

We will never completely understand women. Sorry, it just doesn’t happen. (Unless you’re gay or a puss. In either case girls aren’t going to be interested in you romantically) Why will we never understand women? Our minds are wired for very different purposes. We, through out history have been the ones that fight the wars, kill the buffalo, build the house, lift the heavy things, squish the bugs, hold the remote control. Women on the other hand have, historically, been the ones to tend to the cooking (while the men are out killing things), taking care of the children (while the men are out killing things), and help to maintain emotional status of those in the home (while men are out killing things).

Now if you believe in any part of evolution you have to assume that women have evolved over span of humanity to be better in “domestic” roles, and men are better at squishing bugs. (Sorry Femi-Nazis, there is a difference between the instincts of men and women, get over yourselves. Girls were never throwing spears at buffalo. That’s why they call it "Throwing like a girl.") So what does this mean to us now that we aren’t in the fields killing the proverbial woolly mammoth? Though our contemporary roles have changed, our basic hard wiring hasn’t.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Now that we understand what our minds have been programed to do we can understand the way the two genders think and communicate better. (note: I never said we’d understand each other. I just said we would communicate better).

Men are hardwired for logic. Outsmarting a wooly mammoth didn’t take a lot of emotion.

Step 1: Throw rocks and sticks at furry elephant.

Step 2: Check if furry elephant is still alive.

Step 3: If furry elephant is still alive repeat Step 1. If dead continue to Step 4.

Step 4: Call it a day. Go home sleep with woman.

“Express your feelings,” never occurs in this four step process. If you took the time to express your feelings you get mushed under the hairy foot of an extinct elephant. This is men, it’s what we are wired to do. This whole process can be completed operating on basic logic, very little emotions are involved. Even sleeping with a woman can be done with out much thought process. (sorry girls) We rely on logic. So when a man friend comes to us with a problem we give him advice, he accepts it and we go on our merry way both of us feeling as though it was a healthy and productive conversation.

Women, on the other hand have to operate on different premises when they are keeping little Jimmy’s hand away from the piping hot cauldron of wooly mammoth stew. It takes another type of reasoning to predict the moment to slap Jimmy’s hand away from the fire, intuition. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Women’s Intuition,” but we’ve never heard the phrase, “Men’s intuition.” Little Jimmy can sometimes act impulsively and it’s up to Momma to know the moment he’s gonna jump in the fire. Likewise Momma has to be able to deduce confrontations between her children and neighbors without having all the facts at her disposal. She can’t be everywhere all the time. This is why we believed our mothers when they told us they had eye’s in the back of their heads. She used her emotional intuition to figure out the garden snake in the bathtub was not accident. So when two women get together they sit and listen to each other talk about their problems and do nothing more than understand where the other is coming from. While they may not give each other any advice at all, they can still walk away feel like it was a productive conversation.

Girls = intuition and emotion

Guys = logic and fact

When you are listening to a girl when she is upset she has to get her emotions out of her system, she comes to you for validation that those emotions are justified. This is why it’s important, even if you don’t understand where she is coming from, to listen. She may get more upset as she goes, it’s all part of the process. We as men, thinking logically, will assume the more upset she is getting the worse job we are doing. Nope. As long as the anger isn’t necessarily focused on us but on her problem, (even when that problem is with us) she is expelling all of that negative emotion. Once all that negative emotion is gone, she’ll suddenly feel better. We assume she is bipolar when actually she’s just done the problem.

My advice to all us guys is the following.

Step 1: Listen, try to understand, and try not to take it personally.

Step 2: When you do understand, don’t always solve her problems with your logic.

Step 3: If she doesn’t seem bipolar and happy repeat Step 1. If bipolar continue to Step 4.

Step 4: Call it a day. Go home and sleep with woman.